


let us skim

by zeitgeistofnow



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Deaf Character, Fluff and Angst, Lactose Intolerant Hanschen, M/M, and it follows the same basic plot, deaf Ernst, i took a lot of stuff from that scene, it's more likely than you think, kinda a rewriting of the vineyard scene?, me? projecting my lactose intolerance on hanschen?, mentions of past sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 17:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeitgeistofnow/pseuds/zeitgeistofnow
Summary: hanschen is late for ernst and hanschen's study meeting and so ernst is sitting and playing games on his phone, waiting.





	let us skim

Ernst sits on the edge of the rock face, looking at the cars on the highway way, way below him and checking his phone compulsively. Hanschen is supposed to be here- they’d planned for 4:30, and now it’s 4:45, and the tappy game on Ernst’s phone is no longer entertaining. 

Hanschen had taken him up here the fifth time they’d studied together and they’d sat on the edge of the cliff, kicking their feet and laughing at the sheer exhilaration of being so close to toppling down into the traffic, yards below them. 

_ Red car, blue car, silver, silver, black. Ambulance.  _ Ernst wonders idly what the ambulance is doing. The lights are blinking and the sirens are probably pretty loud- he can’t exactly hear them, though. He rakes his hands through the grass peeking through the rock and picks at the lichen.

_ Hanschen, Hanschen, where the fuck are you, Hanschen?  _ Ernst exhales softly, pursuing his lips. It’s not normal for Haschen to be more than a few minutes late to these things- classes, yes, dances, shows- but not their study time. 

His phone vibrates on the rock and he glances at it.

_ from: little hansi _

_ i’m here! _

Ernst looks up and there’s Hanschen, his messenger bag still looped over his shoulder, holding his phone. 

_ “Why’d you text me?”  _ Ernst signs, frowning slightly.

Hanschen shrugs.  _ “You looked pretty lost in thought. I didn’t want to startle you when you’re…”  _ He gestures to the precipice. Ernst nods and grins.

_ “Fair point.” _

Hanschen sits down next to Ernst, displacing a few pebbles, which tumble down the steep face. Ernst stares into distance. 

_ “That cloud looks like a cat,”  _ Hanschen signs. Ernst smiles at him and stretches out his arms. 

_ “Before you got here I was thinking about…”  _ Ernst pauses.  _ “The future, I guess. I imagined myself as an adult, probably living in a nice suburban house. I’ll be a pastor and I’ll get married and boys and girls will tell me about their days when I go on walks.” _

Hanschen stares at him, smiling lazily. Ernst cocks his head. 

_ “Cute.”  _ Hanschen signs, one eyebrow raised.

Ernst rolls his eyes.  _ “Just because you and Melchior are cynical doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be.” _

Hanschen shakes his head, turning to face Ernst. “ _ No, really. It’s cute. You’re…”  _ he trails off, dropping his hands. 

Ernst bumps his with his shoulder.  _ “I’m…?” _

Hanschen shakes his head, smirking.  _ “Nothing.”  _ He pauses.  _ “You know why I stopped going to church?” _

Ernst shoulders him playfully.  _ “Because you’re precocious and don’t believe in god?” _

Hanschen inclines his head in acknowledgement of the joke, but continues.  _ “Because it’s all so…”  _ He purses his lips and glances at Ernst, who nods for him to continue.  _ “Fake. Everyone there’s so pious and serene, but it’s all just an act.” _

Ernst raises his eyebrows.  _ “An act.” _

_ “To hide their envy.”  _ He stretches.  _ “Trust me. There are only three ways a guy can go.”  _

Haschen continues signing, probably elaborating on his initial claim. Sometimes Ernst thinks Hanschen talks like he’s writing out an essay. He makes his claim, leaning toward Ernst, his fingers deft and quick, and then he introduces his supports, the only hint that he’s kidding about any of it being the smile twitching at the edge of his straight face. 

Ernst stares at Hanschen while he signs, not paying attention. Hanschen’s hair flops around when he tosses his head, which he does a lot while he signs, too enthusiastic about his subject to rein in his tics. He’s wearing an earring- just a dot of silver on his left ear- and his eyes sparkle in the mid-afternoon sun. He’s kind of beautiful, Ernst notes.

Hanschen draws his fingers away from his face, signing  _ ‘cat’  _ and Ernst furrows his brow.

Hanschen doesn’t seem to notice Ernst’s confusion. He continues:  _ “...pussycat, I just…”  _ He pauses.  _ “Skim off the cream.” _

_ “Skim off the cream?”  _ Ernst repeats.  _ What? _

_ “Right,”  _ Hanschen confirms, not elaborating. 

_ “But you’re lactose intolerant,”  _ Ernst signs. 

Hanschen stares at him, then breaks into a grin. 

_ “What?”  _ Ernst leans closer.  _ “Hanschen, you’re laughing! What’s-”  _

Hanschen leans forward too, and Ernst tries to ignore the flip his stomach does at the physical proximity. _It’s thrilling and terrifying, like sitting on the edge of this cliff, either of them could lean forward right now,_ _just an inch, and then-_

Hanschen does, mashing their lips together and placing an arm on Ernst’s leg, and  _ Ohgodohgodohgod this isn’t how it’s supposed to go and Ernst can feel Father Wolff’s hands on him and it’s like he’s seven again and Moritz isn’t back yet, but  _ he  _ is and-  _

_ “Oh, god.”  _ Ernst signs, leaning away from Hanschen and grabbing at the grass, reassuring himself that he’s  _ here,  _ on the cliff’s edge with Hanschen. 

Hanschen peers at Ernst, looking concerned.  _ “Ernst?” _

Ernst pulls his legs up to his chest.  _ “Sorry.” _

Hanschen scoots away from Ernst, blinking and signing quickly.  _ “Hey, it’s fine. If you don’t like me, I mean, I just-” _

_ “No- no. I just…”  _ Ernst rips out a handful of grass. _ “When we got here this afternoon, I thought maybe we’d just… talk.” _

_ “So are you sorry I…” _

Ernst stares at Hanschen. Hanschen, who is the only reason Ernst isn’t failing english, who hasn’t been late to a study session until today, who bought Ernst a stuffed kitten for his birthday, apologizing because he ‘couldn’t buy a real one’ and Ernst just  _ aches. “No, I’m…”  _ Ernst sighs and drops his head.  _ “It’s complicated, but- I love you, Hanschen, as I have never loved anyone.” _

_ “And so you should. It’s okay,”  _ Hanschen reaches out for one of Ernst’s hands, glancing up at Ernst, who nods. They hold hands, Hanschen staring at Ernst, Ernst staring at the ground, for a while. It’s...nice. 

_ “I’m sorry,”  _ Hanschen signs finally, taking his hand back,  _ “I didn’t think-” _

_ “It’s  _ okay _ ,”  _ Ernst signs.  _ “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I-”  _ He swallows.  _ “I was seven.”  _ He pauses, spinning one hand, trying to figure out how to say this because he’s never said this before to anyone except for Moritz and he’s sure Moritz’s forgotten by now, it was so  _ long  _ ago and it  _ was  _ so long ago, about seven years, so why can’t he just  _ kiss Hanschen? _ He stares back at the ground, his eyes flicking back up to Hanschen, trying to gauge his reaction.  _ “It was Father W-O-L-F-F. Moritz had gone to the bathroom, I think, so he wasn’t there. He-”  _ He drops his hands when he notices Hanschen’s expression.  _ “Hanschen?” _

Hanschen scoots closer to Ernst and wraps his arms around him, burying his face in Ernst's sweater. He murmurs something into Ernst’s shoulder and Ernst can’t tell what he’s saying but Hanschen’s repeating it like a mantra. Ernst hugs him, patting the top of Hanschen’s head and running his fingers through his short hair. 

_ “I want to kill him,”  _ Hanschen signs when they finally pull apart, not looking at Ernst.  _ “He- you- I-”  _ Hanschen’s adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.  _ “I think I love you, Ernst, and I-” _

_ “It’s fine, Hanschen.”  _ Ernst rests a hand on Hanschen’s knee.  _ “And I think he’s already dead, anyway. He was old.” _

Hanschen nods at Ernst, and Ernst nods back. 

_ “So no kissing,”  _ Hanschen finally signs. 

_ “Not yet,”  _ Ernst signs back, biting his lip.

_ “But it’s okay if I do this?”  _ Hanschen wraps an arm around Ernst’s shoulder and pulls him close. They’re a close as they were before Hanschen kissed him, but this isn’t unnerving, it’s just… soft.

_ “Yeah,”  _ Ernst signs, his hands in his lap,  _ “This is fine.” _

_ “Okay.”  _ Hanschen frowns to himself and reaches for his knapsack, dropping it in front of him.  _ “I brought you something that I was going to give to you earlier but I was late.”  _ He ruffles through the contents of the bag- Ernst notices  _ The Song of Achilles  _ and the  _ Iliad  _ and a box of lemon candies before Hanschen finds what he’s looking for. 

_ “I picked these at that flower garden near the school,”  _ Hanschen says, then pauses and scratches his neck with the hands not holding a bouquet of daisies.  _ “Knuppeldik practically chased me out with a pair of gardening shears.” _

Ernst takes the flowers and stares at them. They’re tied together with a piece of yarn- probably stolen from Otto, who’s taken up knitting- and they’re a tad crushed from sitting in Hanschen’s messenger bag. A bug crawls out of one of the daisy heads and onto Ernst’s hand. 

_ “I know you like flowers,”  _ Hanschen signs slowly, staring at Ernst’s hands.  _ “I thought-” _

_ “This is incredible, Hanschen.”  _ Ernst can’t tear his gaze away from the flowers. They’re so dumb- stolen, tied together with neon yellow yarn- but Hanschen got them  _ for him,  _ and Ernst is sure he’s blushing. 

_ “You know,”  _ he signs,  _ “there’s a daisy patch not too far away from here. You didn’t have to steal these.” _

Hanschen’s blushing too.  _ “I, uh. I thought it would be romantic.” _

Ernst giggles and Hanschen’s eyes widen, staring at Ernst. 

_ “What?”  _ Ernst finally asks.

Hanschen smiles slowly.  _ “You’re just so beautiful.”  _

Ernst’s face  _ burns,  _ and he stretches out his feet, over the edge of the cliff, looking out a the clouds. 

Hanschen looks up too and they sit there for a moment until Hanschen taps Ernst’s arm.  _ “I still think that cloud looks like a cat.” _

Ernst raises his eyebrows.  _ “Like you? Skimming off the cream?” _

Hanschen throws his head back and laughs.  _ “Indeed,”  _ he signs.

Ernst smiles at him.  _ “Well. Let us skim.” _

**Author's Note:**

> hey! if you liked this, please comment/leave kudos! it would mean the world to me. i hope you're having a good day!!


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